Whether she cheated and you beta-ed the fuck up and took her back or she’s constantly making bad decisions, just DON’T.
Never guilt-trip her into changing—if you’re NOT cool with her behavior or don’t like any of the things she does, then it’s best to just NEXT her.
Don’t go into arguing. Or step out of your way to make her see sense in whatever you’re trying to imply. It’s NOT your place to change her or push her to own a mistake. As a matter of fact, the only time a woman will ever own a mistake will be out of the fear of losing you, which again makes it NOT genuine.
Both men and women lie. The difference is that while we men lie to cover up our transgressions, women lie to shift culpability.
They lie to avoid being held accountable so they can continue playing the victim. The moment it becomes clear to her that she’s the guilty one in front of everyone’s eyes, such that she’s left with nothing to fight for, she’ll be left with no choice but to break up with you.
That’s why it’s a bad idea to take back a cheating spouse. Unless you’re mature enough to let her occupy the moral high ground, and never bring it up again, she’s bound to break up with you soon or later.
If your girl happens to be wrong, the last thing you want to do is call her out on it. She’ll hamster her way out of being held culpable with every lie she can come up with, and if she can’t succeed to prove her blamelessness, she’ll make a mental note to walk out and hide face by starting afresh.
More like how a child argues to fight an accusation; a woman has several frames each of which justifies every single thing she does. In other words, she’ll never be wrong or ever feel bad about making a wrong decision. If she’s wrong then someone made her do it.
This brings us back to the article I wrote about the monk mode. If the girl you’re interested in doesn’t meet the qualities you stated on paper without calling for a compromise, don’t first-mate or go all exclusive on her.
This reminds me of one of my LTRs.
She admittedly tells me about how much she enjoys attention, and can’t just help keeping a stream of orbiters. She always has her phone with her, and she’s constantly chatting them up, staying in touch and even soliciting favors from them.
I assume I can make her change by trying to drill some self-awareness into her. That’s my male hamster spinning and setting me up on a wrong path, again.
I try to lay it bare to her. Stupidly, I find myself talking about how these orbiters are only putting up with her attention whoring ‘cause they want to sleep with her.
Read this bearing in mind that I was new to the RP, and therefore very green on how to handle myself. I’m just excited about the whole thing and busy making the wrong decisions, staying on purple pill most of the time.
She agrees that I’m actually right. She even throws in a few comments that point out malice in some of their actions.
Not really. It barely takes a week for her to revert to her old ways. It even gets worse ‘cause I find out she’s the one initiating contact this time.
The stupid me never gives up on calling her out on it, desperately making it known about how much I resent her actions. We get into several fights over that several times, one which ends up with me flipping out and slamming her phone on the wall and (as expected) her hamstring her way out of the situation and making me apologize for it–too much for being a beta.
I don’t need to get to the details of what happened next, but you can guess it never ended well.
This is another juicy story of mine that bodes well with the topic.
This one happened recently.
I’m with my current LTR at my place. I’m just seated, doing random stuff over the internet and minding my own business while sipping a drink I have beside me.
I’m deep lost into my thoughts and whatever I’m doing over the internet when she interrupts.
“You’re the most discrete of the guys I have met. But one thing you don’t know is that I know everything about you.”
I insouciantly reply with “I guess you do, but NOT everything.”
“Maybe, but there’s one thing I really want to know,” she persists.
I know where she’s heading with this. But I motion her to go on.
“How many women have you slept with before me?”
I’m about to get to my mental pick-up box and pull out my favorite response for that. You know, “there’s nothing Hepburn about that. … We eventually grow up and move on.”
But then I’m like nah!!!! “Let me wing it.”
I buy myself time with, “you certainly don’t wanna hear the answer to that.”
She’s even more persistent.
“Just say it.”
I tell her to go first of which she responds by saying she’s only been with three guys.
I actually believe her ‘cause I have known her for a while and the whole time she only had one boyfriend.
Plus she’s somewhat modest and has an upright upbringing, so I doubt she ever cheated on him.
She rolls her eyes and leans over me and continues insisting.
I decide to tell her the truth but in a tired tone. “I honestly don’t know, I’ll have to take some time off and count, of which I’m NOT even sure I won’t be skipping some.”
I could see her face going pale. She’s silent.
That’s my cue. I lean back and continue minding my own business, opening random pages and hi-ing up my work mates on Skype.
2 minutes later she comes back, pulling my laptop away and spreading her inner thighs around my legs, and leaning over my face with her hands all over me. She then whispers into my ears, “You know I’m better than any of girls you’ve been with, right?”
Well, I get it. That’s her hamster spinning.
She knows she’s NOT supposed to be sleeping with me. But what’s better that her lying to herself to avoid poking holes in her decision making capabilities.
So yes, women do NOT only lie to the men they’re with, but also and mostly to themselves, and that’s what we commonly refer to as hamstering.