A while back some chick emailed asking if I could advise her on the two guys she’s torn between deciding whom to go out with. One is a jerk that sometimes comes off as really caring and loving, whereas the other fits the exact description anyone would have for Mr. Nice Guy.
From her description of the two, it’s clear she’s so much drawn to the jerk boy. But there’s some part of her still iffy of how things might actually play out should she decide to go out with the ‘cad’ and discard the good guy.
While a vast majority would find it easier to advise her to go for the nice guy, and only the jerk if she’s in for a Short Term fling, I don’t find the two to be the only variables that qualify or disqualify one as a good fit for a Long Term Relationship.
To answer her question, I’d like to spare a few minutes and explain how good guys spring into being and why I’d at any time vouch for the jerk boy.
If you consider yourself a good guy, read this carefully and let me know how far I’m off. *I stand to be corrected at the end of this.
Here we go:
For the most part of their growing, Mr. Nice guyz have been the nice kids on the block; the well-behaved, the reference point to mothers using the “why-can’t-you-be-like-him” line to lecture their kids
They’re the kind that a day wouldn’t pass without being praised for being considerate, obedient and exactly what their parents, neighbors and teachers want them to be.
This often comes with other perks. Like being the mother’s favorite, the teacher’s pet, the class prefect and so forth.
Being good and obedient was their main source of self-worth, and always felt like their future was bound to be great simply because their behavior shone.
This went on until it got to a point where they couldn’t live without the validations and praises. So they decided to put in a little more effort to let whoever is in charge know they deserved more attention for being the ‘good kids.’
The desire to please their superiors pushed them into becoming the annoying types that raises their hands to ask a question that would take the teacher your entire break time trying to answer it.
As a result, everyone in your class grew to hate them. But teacher’s loved them, for being ‘determined,’ and even more for being their watch dogs in class.
So after school, when being obedient started meaning very little to the outside world, they dedicated part of their new lives into studying other people’s emotions and reactions, all in a desperate attempt to be good at making them happy. That’s from the face of it, but in the real sense they were only doing that for the approval and attention.
Sadly, this didn’t work for them like it did back then when they used to be the center of it all. First it’s the women, who despite having benefited the most from their act of kindness and gentleness, never found them romantically attractive.
Persuaded that they hadn’t done enough to convince these women how good they are, they amped their good deeds. But instead of making their intentions clear, as all the jerk boys do, they made it seem like they were only interested in friendship.
They came up with a strategy, which included observing what the bad boys do so they could develop a habit of doing the stark opposite.
They kept on doing more for the girl, all with the hope that she’d one day start taking note of it and ditch the jerk boyfriend for them.
But the more they kept doing, the more disinterested the girl appeared to get.
Why is this happening?
Well, there are a few flaws with this strategy that I’d like to zone into.
The first one being that no one is ever perfect. Nice guys are good, yes. But one thing they’ll never be is perfectly good.
Based on Danning-Krueger’s effect, they have so many flaws that they’ll never live to know until they get to chock in the red pill.
Second, they have a number of flaws that they’re aware of, but since they only want the world to see them for their good side, they’ll always be hiding them.
It’s part of their desperate bid to stop the world from seeing the sucker in them that they’d resort to:
- Silently admire a girl they have an oneitis for without making a move. They fear to be judged or come to term with the fact that they can actually be rejected.
- Find it convenient to stalk a girl and NEVER approach her.
- Use the other guy’s weak points to win over the chick.
- Wait for the girl to see how awesome they are and approach them instead.
- Aim for the friend zone and wait for the chick to turn things around and make him her boyfriend. That way it NEVER appears like it’s them who made the move in the first place.
Everyone fucks up at least once in a while. But nice guys have NEVER fucked up. Or so they’ll make you think.
No one beats them at the game of hiding, lying or toying around with other people’s emotions; another give away that they have perfected the skill of reading other people’s mind.
While orbiting around a chick, they’ll be quick to study her emotional strains, then position themselves to act as their emotional tampons.
At some point, when all this fails to pay off, they’d resort to imitating the jerk boys by turning into morons that go overboard abusing women in an effort to get them attracted.
The truth is women can still see through this. The manipulations can appear to be working, but NEVER for once will a woman find them genuine enough to inspire a romantic connection.
The fact that they have everyone convinced they are perfect makes them appear conniving. And the fact that they’ll always be aiming to please everyone they come into contact with makes them appear like they are people of low value, obsessed with winning everyone’s approval.
From the illustration, it’s safe to say that being nice with a motive doesn’t make anyone any nice, but the most dangerous of all.
Plus nice doesn’t really pass as a compliment when used on people. No one talks of a nice waitress, a nice doctor or a nice anyone in reference to someone really good at what he does or with off-the-wall qualities.
Another point, nice is the default attribute. Meaning it takes zero effort to be nice, but too much brass balls and sacrifice to be a ZFG jerk. So it makes more sense to reward the latter and NOT the former.