23 Feb

The Little Things you Forgot

Most people don’t know the primacy of the little things they do or overlook in a relationship. Their cavalier attitudes towards minor hassles or the subtle pet-peeves don’t feature anywhere among the things that stir a breakup.


To them, expensive gifts and the impromptu jet-setting vacations is all it takes to stop a girl from mulling over the idea of leaving them for someone else.

The more they swamp a girl with expensive gifts or splurge on her vacations, the more they are convinced they have cemented their relationship with all the ingredients that bind it with eternity.


Wrong assumption…
She’ll whip up the mother of all excuses when she finally musters enough courage to call you and call off the relationship, citing how she’s not happy or needs a break. Nonplused, you’ll be left musing over the whole issue, and finding it hard to believe that she actually had the nerve to walk away after you emptied your pocket trying to prove your love for her.


Yes she did, and the next girl you get certainly will. But none of the things you did fueled the breakup. You can blame it on the late night call you received from your secretary or the promise you made but failed to honor, but the truth is—every excuse cited come second after the small things you trashed as trivialities.


That’s it. And to help you remember, we’ll be rubbing your nose in them one by one. Here we go:

Doing something thoughtful for your partner
You took her out, bought her an expensive meal and slipped an expensive gift into her pouch. Very romantic, but that was your money in action. You did nothing of that.


Your partner/lover only needed 60 seconds of your time. She only wished you could for once think of her and make her coffee, warm up the shower and maybe butter her toothbrush.
She craved for that sticky note other guys leave their wives and girlfriends on their windshield, but you were too much of a jerk to read the contingencies.


She only needed 60 seconds of your day to massage her hands or do anything to remind her that you still care. But is too late I guess. If not, do something.


That tone
She did something you didn’t like and you went bat crazy, ranting with gusto at the top of your voice. She didn’t want your neighbor to overhear your little squabble, but you were too riled up to lower your voice.


How she wished you could take a cue from her and at least learn how to communicate your anger in a manner you could both reach a consensus. But you were the insensitive boss in the relationship.


Sorry for that. But next time remember to clean up your tone whenever you’re hulked out at your partner. Don’t let frustration get the best of you. Ask yourself, “were it my mum or boss, would I still be using the same tone to air out my frustration?” If not, learn to calibrate it accordingly.


When did you stop talking about sex?
You were the boss, right? The only one relishing the sex in that matter…


She had her opinions, but kept them in because you didn’t see the need to talk about sex. Remember that thing you did to her the first time she let you hit it? Well, she’s been longing for it ever since.


Maybe she wanted it more often than you were doing it, and in a certain way. But since you didn’t set aside some time for sex talk, she didn’t last long enough to see it come true. Now her hopes are on the next boyfriend she gets.


Gratitude
I know, this habit has everything to do with the way you were brought up. Saying thank you in your family was enough to make you the stooge of the week.


But she came from a different family where every small favor was met with demonstrative gratitude. They deeply internalized morning greetings, and almost thought that it was a norm in every family, until she met you.


But in case she hasn’t jilted the churlish you already, then learn to be grateful whenever applicable. Thank her more often and ask her to do the same whenever you do something you consider a favor. There’s no beta in that.


That damn phone! And PlayStation
The undivided attention you kept giving her was partly the reason she didn’t give it a second thought when that gritty beta asked her out again last night.


After all, why should she choose to be with a man who treasures his phone more than her? Your level of maturity also became questionable whenever you flung a sensible conversation to have some time with your iPhone.


You weren’t cheating. But your fascination with angry bird and instant messengers was too much for her to stomach in. So every time she spoke, and you diverted your attention to your phone and little PlayStation, you gave her more reasons to lose faith in the love she had for you until she got into the emotional coda.

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